


The Middle Blockers' Group Chat

by thelabours



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: ???i cant believe iforgot but bg kawashira bc salty children go togetjer, LISTEN IF YOURE NOT HERE FOR VICE CAPTAIN NARITA, LOWKEY KUROSHOU (?????), LOWKEY MATSUHANA, Land Before Time references, M/M, OUR TOL SONS WHO PROTECT THE COURT, WHERE IS THE MIDDLE BLOCKER LOVE HUH, a next gen captains chat, also yes this is a chatfic, and a vice captains chat, background monidai because I Can, baking is involved, did you rly think they wouldnt be here i mean weve got tsukki so, hey they're not the centre of this fic they gotta b background bitches soz fam, idk i just felt terrible bc theres a setters chat, idk ur missing out then, its not very funny because im not very funny, mentions of ghost stories andtendou can't take it, mentions of kagehina and tsukkiyama and shibainu, shakespeare refernces! because I'm a lit nerd, skype maybe idk ive literally never used skype in my entire life, there is a certain degree of slow burn in the fic, theres a captains chat, theres a liberos chat smwh, this fic is a compendium of spelling mistakes f i g h t m e
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-01
Updated: 2017-03-22
Packaged: 2018-09-14 00:10:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 12,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9148261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelabours/pseuds/thelabours
Summary: miracle_boy: fren are u Narutonarito: no im narita from karasuno





	1. Chapter 1

**miracle_boy** created a new group chat “ **reaching new heights** ”

 **miracle_boy** added **chemistrycat, kawaiinishi** , and **ts00kie**

 **chemistrycat** : ohohoho wat diz

 **kawaiinishi** : tendou-san why

 **chemistrycat** : who u

 **ts00kie** : new phone, who diz

 **miracle_boy** : this is a group chat! For the middle blockers! the captains have one, and so do the vice captains, and the setters, and the liberos. I thought maybe we should have one too!

 **ts00kie** : can I leave

 **kawaiinishi** : ^^ same

 **miracle_boy** : no

 **chemistrycat** : omg sat0ri is dat u

 **miracle_boy** : the one and only

 **chemistrycat** : why were u grammar just now

 **miracle_boy** : gotta make a good first impression tetsu

 **chemistrycat** : whos kawaiinishi

 **kawaiinishi** : someone who wants 2 leave

 **miracle_boy** : thats kawanishi taichi hes my precious heir

 **kawaiinishi** : no

 **ts00kie** : so can I leave or

 **chemistrycat** : no tsukki u cant just zayn

 **ts00kie** : watch me

 **kawaiinishi** : whip watch me nae nae

 **ts00kie** has left the chat “ **reaching new heights** ”.

 **chemistrycat** added **ts00kie** to the chat “ **reaching new heights** ”.

 **miracle_boy** : oops i forgot to add mattsun

 **miracle_boy** added **matsukawow** to the chat “ **reaching new heights** ”.

 **chemistrycat** : whos mattsun

 **matsukawow** : thas me

 **matsukawow** : im seijou’s middle blocker matsukawa issei

 **chemistrycat** : o as in oikawas seijou??????

 **matsukawow** : no as in my seijou??????

 **chemistrycat** : o thas k00l my buddy my dude my pal

 **matsukawow** : thx my chum my friend

 **chemistrycat** : did u know chum is actually rotten bait for fish

 **matsukawow** : ew

 **kawaiinishi** : ew

 **miracle_boy** : ew tetsu pls ur nerd is showing

 **miracle_boy** : also maybe add other middle blockers idk

 **ts00kie** added **shoyofroyo, narito** , and **your_my_gucci_to_that_shit** to the chat “ **reaching new heights** ”.

 **matsukawow** added **yosushi, aone_takanobu** , and **yuu_da_man** to the chat “ **reaching new heights** ”.

 **chemistrycat** added **doglover7, high_ba** , and **wishiwashio** to the chat “ **reaching new heights** ”.

 **chemistrycat** : hello naughty children its murder time

 **chemistrycat** : jk this is a middle blockers chat where we learn new (cock)blocking techniques

 **chemistrycat** : ill go first because im an inspiration to us all

 **high_ba** : u choked on ur fish today kuroo san

 **matsukawow** : lmao savage

 **chemistrycat** : extra laps for u 2moro lev

 **high_ba** : WHAT DID I DO

 **high_ba** : PLESAE KURO OS AN DONTT YAK U SAN HAT ES ME ENOUG H HE M A DE ME DO EXTR ALAP S ‘[]QLF

 **high_ba** : im haiba lev btw im the future ace of nekoma high

 **chemistrycat** : yeah but aces can receive can u receive well lev hmm can u cAN U

 **shoyofroyo** : lev!! I wont lose to u!!

 **shoyofroyo** : im hinata shoyo! From karasuno high! Im going to be their ace someday!

 **matsukawow** : is that chibi chan

 **kawaiinishi** : ye I think so

 **wishiwashio** : you mean the tiny orange haired dude?

 **miracle_boy** : ye thats chibi chan

 **shoyofroyo** : :c I can jump tho

 **doglover7** : haha shoyo I know!!

 **doglover7** : hi! Im inuoka sou! From nekoma high!

 **shoyofroyo** : thx inuko!!!!

 **chemistrycat** : inuoka extra laps for u 2 I cant believe u like dogs better than cats

 **doglover7** : :c

 **chemistrycat** : oh god ok no I was kidding jeez stop with the puppy face man

 **doglover7** : c:

 **chemistrycat** : im kuroo tetsurou btw my frenzzZZzz im nekoma’s captain

 **matsukawow** : is chemistry cat like _the_ chemistry cat

 **chemistrycat** : glad to know ive found a fellow meme connoisseur

 **matsukawow** : gotta tell makki brb

 **chemistrycat** : who dat

 **yuu_da_man** : That’s Hanamaki-san 

**yuu_da_man** : I’m Kindaichi Yuutarou, first year middle blocker from Aoba Jousai.

 **matsukawow** : who is kuroo tetsurou and what is ur fav cat meme

 **chemistrycat** : thas me and grumpy cat

 **matsukawow** : right?????????? pls tell mattsun that,,,he thinks its longcat lmao like??? Get w the times

 **matsukawow** : this is makki btw

 **chemistrycat** : will do lmao

 **miracle_boy** : but what about nyan cat

 **kawaiinishi** : no tendou-san

 **miracle_boy** : kuroo do u like grumpy cat because it looks like kenma

 **chemistrycat** : You Got Me There

 **narito** : lol this chat is a trainwreck bye

 **your_my_gucci_to_that_shit** : narita-san wait!

 **your_my_gucci_to_that_shit** : I’m yamaguchi tadashi from karasuno

 **kawaiinishi** : and youre watching Disney channel

 **miracle_boy** : taichi no

 **kawaiinishi** : taichi yes

 **kawaiinishi** : im kawanishi taichi from shiratorizawa btw

 **miracle_boy** : yes good boy taichi

 **kawaiinishi** : what the fuck senpai

 **miracle_boy** : watch your fucking language is this how I fucking raised u

 **miracle_boy** : im 10do satori from shiratorizawa

 **narito** : did u just

 **miracle_boy** : fren are u Naruto

 **narito** : no im narita from karasuno

 **miracle_boy** : no I mean do u 

**miracle_boy** : do u like Naruto

 **narito** : no im not sasuke

 **miracle_boy** : touche

 **chemistrycat** : sat0ri omg pls ur weeb is showing

 **kawaiinishi** : senpai if ur gonna weeb out can I leave

 **miracle_boy** : ;-;

_hi, Aone! You have received 91 messages from " **reaching new heights** " check now?_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> narito: hinata do u even know where the library is
> 
>  
> 
> shoyofroyo: yes! That’s where all the supplementary classes are!
> 
>  
> 
> miracle_boy: aw
> 
>  
> 
> chemistrycat: hes actually so precious aw

**wishiwashio** : can you guys believe

**chemistrycat** : what did another child cry because of your face

**wishiwashio** : ….sometimes I really hate you kuroo

**chemistrycat** : what omg really???? lol tattsun time to change ur face

**wishiwashio** : no but really what the frick I didn’t even frown she just started bawling I’m so

**chemistrycat** : do u want me to tell kenma to text u

**wishiwashio** : yes pls I have a shiny gallade I want to trade for their shiny garchomp

**shoyofroyo** : I have one!!! Kenma traded the shiny garchomp for my volcanion

**shoyofroyo** : ill trade with you!!

**wishiwashio** : really? thanks

**wishiwashio** : im washio tatsuki by the way, from fukurodani academy

**matsukawow** : hi tattsun im mattsun

**miracle_boy** : how long were you waiting to say that

**matsukawow** : all my life

**ts00kie** : I hate u all

**kawaiinishi** : ^^ same

**chemistrycat** : aw tsukki atleast introduce urself before u insult us

**ts00kie** : im tsukishima kei not tsukki

**ts00kie** : there. Are you happy now?

**chemistrycat** : no im kuroo tetsurou 

**shoyofroyo** : hah!! tsukishima u got memed!!!

**chemistrycat** : ...chibi chan do u know what a meme is

**shoyofroyo** : …no

**narito** : im on it

**miracle_boy** : oh thank god

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

**ts00kie** : hinata have u seen yamaguchi anywhere I cant find them

**shoyofroyo** : theyre in the library I just saw them!

**ts00kie** : thx

**narito** : guise this is the group chat wtffff

**narito** : hinata do u even know where the library is

**shoyofroyo** : yes! That’s where all the supplementary classes are!

**miracle_boy** : aw

**chemistrycat** : hes actually so precious aw

**high_ba** : yes because hes small! Isnt that cute!

**chemistrycat** : lev where are u its time for extra laps

**high_ba** : NO!!! YAKU SAN SAID IT WAS FINE!!! 

**chemistrycat** : until you said and I quote “thank you yaku san youre so small and cute”

**high_ba** : I MEANT IT AS A COMPLIMENT

_Hi, Aone! You have received 44 messages from " **reaching new heights** ". Check now?_


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **miracle_boy** : guise dont gross out my son
> 
>  **kawaiinishi** : but im not ur son
> 
>  **miracle_boy** : dont make me tell eita

**yosushi** : what the duck is going one

 **yosushi** : you know what I give up

 **matsukawow** : YOsushi waddup

 **yoshushi** : matsukaWOW I didn’t know you had my number

 **matsukawow** : yahaba has futakuchis so 

**shoyofroyo** : !!!are you the angry one from datekou!!

 **yosushi** : WHO SAID THAT

 **shoyofroyo** : GWAAAH NO IM SORRY

 **chemistrycat** : YOsushi-kun u should chill dont threaten the cinnamon roll

 **yosushi** : I’m going to FILL futakuchi for this

 **yosushi** : FILL

 **yosushi** : FILL

 **yosushi:** i hate autocorrect more than i hate you matsukawa

 **yosushi** : I’m Kamasaki Yasushi from Datekou

 **matsukawow** : but I didnt do anything

 **chemistrycat** : thats what they all say

 **shoyofroyo** : are you still gonna kill me!!

 **matsukawow** : dw chibi chan ill protect u

 **chemistrycat** : same

 **miracle_boy** : same

 **ts00kie** : lmao gl

 **your_my_gucci_to_that_shit** : tsukki! don’t be mean!

 **ts00kie** : shut up yamaguchi

 **narito** : @tsukishima @hinata @yamaguchi practice hello where r u

 **yosushi** : no I won’t kill you you’re Aone’s friend aren’t you

 **aone_takanobu** : *thumbs up emoji*

 **yosushi** : that’s Aone Takanobu, my junior from Datekou

 **matsukawow** : oooh part of the iron wall right

 **miracle_boy** : ye but that’s nothing compared to guess blocking by MIRACLE BOY S A T O R I

 **kawaiinishi** : senpai no

 **miracle_boy** : senpai yes

 **chemistrycat** : sat0ri n00000

 **matsukawow** : hey kuroo omg I just rmr

 **matsukawow** changed **chemistrycat** to **cattsun**.

 **cattsun** : OMGGGGGGG

 **cattsun** : u n washio and I can match!!!!!!!

 **kawaiinishi** : um

 **miracle_boy** : guise dont gross out my son

 **kawaiinishi** : but im not ur son

 **miracle_boy** : dont make me tell eita

 **kawaiinishi** : pls do and tell him 2 bring me my allergy tablets I left them in the library

 **miracle_boy** : OK son anything 4 u

 **kawaiinishi** : thx dad

 **high_ba** : y cant u do this fr me kuroo san

 **cattsun** : bc u suck

 **high_ba** : IM TELLING YAKU SAN

 **cattsun** : FUCK NO COME BACK I WAS KIDDING DONT TELL MOM

 **high_ba** : :)

 **matsukawow** : lmao savage

 **cattsun** : shut up

_Hi, Aone! You have received 29 messages from " **reaching new heights** ". Check now?_


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **miracle_boy** : almosnds are so ficking 
> 
> **miracle_boy** : elitist

**miracle_boy** : what are ur stands on nuts

 **cattsun** : go the fuck to sleep its late o’clock 

**wishiwashio** : like walnuts and almonds??

 **yosushi** : idk I like peanuts??

 **miracle_boy** : ok but no one asked about futakuchis junk

 **yosushi** : literally duck off

 **matsukawow** : im allergic to nuts

 **cattsun** : and im allergic to being woken up by ur terrible time management and sleeping schedules

 **miracle_boy** : I really like walnuts

 **cattsun** : well then that’s something nuts and ur boyf have in common

 **miracle_boy** : what

 **yosushi** : aw did we wake little kuroo up

 **cattsun** : ill send u to sleep forever

 **matsukawow** : tendou why 

**kawaiinishi** : ^^

 **miracle_boy** : no but dont you think walnuts are the best

 **cattsun** : no why the fuck would we

 **yosushi** : equality for nuts

 **matsukawow** : yes tbh

 **ts00kie** : explain

 **shoyofroyo** : my mom makes me eat almonds!

 **high_ba** : same

 **doglover7** : same

 **ts00kie** : haha nerds

 **your_my_gucci_to_that_shit** : tsukki, your mom makes you have almonds too

 **ts00kie** : yamaguchi shUT UP

 **miracle_boy** : almosnds are so ficking 

**miracle_boy** : elitist

 **miracle_boy** : more magnesium and vitamin E but at what cost

 **matsukawow** : ok but why are you philosophical at late o’clock

 **miracle_boy** : why not is the rela question

 **miracle_boy** : …botany test and I just realised theres a whole 3 pages JUST FOR FUCKING ALMONDS ILL DESTROY THEM

 **matsukawow** : calm down were not in nutzi Germany

 **cattsun** : can I block u

 **miracle_boy** : ^^

 **kawaiinishi** : ^^

 **ts00kie** : ^^

 **wishiwashio** : ^^

 **narito** : ^^

 **kawaiinishi** : this is why u have no friends senpai

 **miracle_boy** : excuse you I have an entire plethora of friends I can call upon because just like in court your sorry ass does not deliver

 **miracle_boy** : or receive tbh I saw u at practice today don’t think u can escape

 **matsukawow** : lmao savage

 **kawaiinishi** : ...fine I’ll quiz you from semi san’s flashcards, open the door

 **miracle_boy** : best waifu

 **kawaiinishi** : die

_Hi, Aone! You have received 47 messages from " **reaching new heights** ". Check now?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ye frenz im projecting bc i fucking hate almonds
> 
> and ill probably randomly keep adding chapters but theyre kinda complete??? ish???
> 
> uh
> 
> i have exams haha thats my excuse thanks


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **matsukawow** : what do I dooooooooooo
> 
>  **matsukawow** : hes my best friend
> 
> mattsun's tragic love life and everyone esle's dating secrets :3

**matsukawow** : ok so i know for a fact u guise like boys

 **matsukawow** : my fellow gay frenz

 **matsukawow** : what do u d when u rly rly like a dude

 **cattsun** : “I know for a fact u guise like boys” evidence??

 **miracle_boy** : are u sayin u don’t like kenma

 **cattsun** : ,,,,but kenmas gendrfluid

 **cattsun** : But You Got Me There

 **cattsun** : idk bro maybe ask smeone whos actually dating a boy

 **matsukawow** : who

 **cattsun** : LIKE THE FIRST YEARS AT NEKOMA WTF LEV I HATE U

 **high_ba** : I had to kuroo san!!!! Yaku sans gonna graduate soon I just ha dto

 **cattsun** : I knew youd betray me but inuoka I didnt expect this from u

 **doglover7** : but I didnt do anything!!

 **yuu_da_man** : Is it Hanamaki-Senpai?

 **matsukawow** : kindaichi my sweet son if u speak about this to anyone i will make sure to rip u a new one

 **cattsun** : OH YEAH R U SAYING U ANDYUKI ARENT DATNG

 **doglover7** : KUROO SAN IM SORRY hes just so cute!!

 **doglover7** : hes also my best friend!!

 **cattsun** : oh no that is so cute

 **cattsun** : i will only allow this if ur ship name is shiba inu

**cattsun** : yes mattsun go on pls 

**narito** : id like to interrupt the conversation to bring u the news that the karasuno first years also have dates im sh00k 

**ts00kie** : what who told u 

**narito** : tadashi 

**ts00kie** : tadashi wht a ht e fK UC 

**your_my_gucci_to_that_shit** : sorry tsukki! But I thought everyone knew already! 

**miracle_boy** : pls tell me chibi chan isnt dating the annoying setter 

**ts00kie** : yes he is lmao 

**your_my_gucci_to_that_shit** : yes he is 

**narito** : ye he is lol 

**shoyofroyo** : yes I am!! 

**miracle_boy** : dammit chibi chan u can do better but im happy 4 u 

**cattsun** : chibi chan idk how but u got even cuter whatta smol 

**yosushi** : so matsukawa that “sneaky cheeky butt grope” wasn’t accidental? 

**matsukawow** : ill rip u a new 1 too 

**matsukawow** : what do I dooooooooooo 

**matsukawow** : hes my best friend 

**miracle_boy** : just ask him out if he hasn’t figured it out he probably never will smh 

**kawaiinishi** : is this from experience lol 

**miracle_boy** : stfu ur boyf literally uses a protractor 2 cut his hair 

**kawaiinishi** : ye hes a nerd lol 

**shoyofroyo** : matsukawa-san!!! Just ask him directly!!! And bring him things he likes eating!!! kageyama got me meat buns and it worked!!!!!! 

**cattsun** : I cant believe chibi chan gets more action than me all kenma will do is scratch at my face if I touch their psp 

**wishiwashio** : idk mattsun but shirofuku (my girlfriend) really likes food I really think shoyos got it right 

**mattsun** : ...do u think they’ll notice if I run to the bakery to buy creampuffs or should i bribe yahaba to sacrifice his hair 

**yuu_da_man** : Matsukawa-senpai, Hanamaki-senpai read the messages over my shoulder, I’m really sorry! 

**yuu_da_man** : Please don’t hurt mekagL3Q;; 

**yuu_da_man** : mattsun what the fuck I cantbe LIEVE U

**yuu_da_man** : OCOME HOME RIGHY NOW YOUNF MNA 

**yuu_da_man** : also if u touch kindaichi ill have oikawa make u do suicide drops till u actually wanna kill urself u actual fucking meme did u think youd be able to hide this 4m me 

**yuu_da_man** : @ u guise thx 4 help pls say ur prayers 4 matsumeme 

**matsukawow** : … 

**miracle_boy** : lmao prayin 4 dat booty 

**cattsun** : #pray4mattsunsass 

**yosushi** : get some mattsun 

**wishiwashio** : ^ 

**yuu_da_man** : Good Luck Senpai! (he’s with Hanamaki-Senpai now)

**shoyofroyo** : ^^ 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hey u guys were so supportive of this fic i just????? tHANSK????
> 
> so i added a chapter bc u guys deserve 2 know if makki and mattsun get together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the only reason i wrote it is because my next exam is english and this is practice lmao  
> also becasue i wanted to wax poetry about makki but i cant poetry so that didnt happen spoiler sorry

**matsukawow** : alright so guess who has a new boyfriend and new bruise

 **cattsun** : but the real question is did u get any

**doglover7:**

**shoyofroyo:**

**miracle_boy:**

**kawaiinishi:**

**yosushi:**

**yosushi:** yeah so I signed up for hilarious love misadventures but since ur not disclosing that information I might as well turn my attention to how LEDs emit light

 **matsukawow** : do I wanna kno or

 **yosushi** : no

 **cattsun** : omg but same were on that unit now I want 2 screm I don’t need 2 know that

 **kawaiinishi** :

**ts00kie:**

**narito:**

**doglover7:**

**miracle_boy:**

**matsukawow** : …ok anyway so if we could all just ignore the nerds and focus on how I now have a boyfriend itd be rly cool

 **cattsun** : r00d but go on

 **matsukawow** : I feel like since all of u were subjected 2 that u must now kn0how it went

 **ts00kie** : no but I feel like if u dont then we might not get any gossip l8r

 **matsukawow** : damn right glasses-kun

 **matsukawow** : so makki n I talked about it and GUESS WHAT HE LIKES ME BACK HAHA

 **matsukawow** : and he 

**matsukawow** : i shit u not when I say this

 **matsukawow** : he pointed at the door and said “leave please”

 **matsukawow** : I was so scared???? but i did ,,And while leaving he shut the door and it hit my shoulder

 **matsukawow** : hence the bruise but anyway

 **matsukawow** : he did it because

 **matsukawow** : dramatic music pls

 **kawaiinishi** : *drum roll*

 **matsukawow** : he was _asking me out_ and he wanted to _hit on me_

 **miracle_boy** : jfc issei

 **wishiwashio** : same I mean

 **yosushi** : Um

 **narito** : wow I mean man I hope ur shoulder heals soon lmao

 **ts00kie** : uh,,,

 **kawainishi** : ^

 **high_ba** : im

 **shoyofroyo** : matsukawa san!!!!! That’s great!!! I hope u get well soon!!!!

 **doglover7** : yes!!!! Congrats!!!!!

 **yuu_da_man** : Congratulations, Matsukawa-senpai!

 **matsukawow** : thanks kiddos

 **cattsun** : sorry i didnt say anything before because i was fucking wheezing is ur makki for real

 **matsukawow** : idrk man hes so pretty he might be a dream

 **matsukawow** : idk man he has sucha pretty voice and stuff

 **matsukawow** : now i gotta ask him out on a date u guise gotta help lol pls

 **cattsun** changed **matsukawow** ’s name to **matsukawhipped**.

 **matsukawhipped** : tbh lol

 **yosushi** : just tell him you're taking him out somewhere

 **matsukawhipped** : **me** : hey makki im taking u out  
**hiroyourhero** : where? my comfort zone? im still pissed ukw

 **miracle_boy** : oh emm gee mattsun lmao i cant

 **kawaiinishi** : i cant believe im agreeing w tendou san but wHAT HTE

 **miracle_boy** : !! c:


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> au where everyone loves hinata
> 
> ....what do u mean thats not an au

**shoyofroyo** : Hi!! Is anyone there??

 **cattsun** : yes chibi chan always at ur service

 **matsukawhipped** : same what do u need

 **miracle_boy** : are any of us truly rly here

 **yosushi** : tendou now is not the time

 **miracle_boy** : then when kamacchi????????????????time is a social construct

 **yosushi** : pls don’t call me kamacchi

 **miracle_boy** : fight me nerd

 **kawaiinishi** : do not fight him he'll whine if u so much as touch him

 **miracle_boy** : THAT WAS ONET IME BECAUSE WAKATO SHI S RLY STROGN 

**wishiwashio** : yes shouyou what do you need?

 **shoyofroyo** : im alone at school because its raining and I cant bike home :c

 **cattsun** : oh no u poor child do u live far?

 **shoyofroyo** : sort of!! I live in the next town half an hour away and I have to bike over the mountain to reach school!!

 **miracle_boy** : just me or did he get more precious

 **yosushi** : no he did

 **matsukawhipped** : ohoho is stoic lil yasushi kun enamoured by wee chibi chan~

 **yosushi** : as if you’re not, matsukawa

 **matsukawhipped** : You Got Me There

 **narito** : dang hinata why didnt u say u didnt have an umbrella im alr on the train

 **narito** : wheres kageyama?

 **shoyofroyo** : hes sick :c atleast we didn’t hav practice today!! He can get better comfortably!! i wanted to visit him today :c

 **wishiwashio** : just me or is anyone else resisting the urge to coo

 **cattsun** : chibi chan my pure rosebud son my sweet summer child

 **shotofroyo** : kuroo san!! How did u know my birthday is in the summer???

 **matsukawhipped** : lisTNE no hes so smol how

 **shoyofroyo** : i may be short!! but i can jump!!

 **ts00kie** : you dumbass where are you waiting god you idiot how can u forget ur umbrella ffs

 **your_my_gucci_to_that_shit** : We’re not that far, we’re coming to pick you up. You can stay over today! Tsukki is too!

 **ts00kie** : yeah yeah now where tf are u

 **shoyofroyo** : im in front of the gym! I’ll call my mom and let her know!!!!! thank u!!!!!!!!!!!

 **your_my_gucci_to_that_shit** : hey kuroo san, matsukawa san, everyone?

 **cattsun** : yeah yamacchi?

 **matsukawhipped:** ye?

 **your_my_gucci_to_that_shit** : for what you said before…same

 **ts00kie** : oh no same

 **cattsun** : ohoho tsukki omg do u actually feel things??

 **ts00kie** : yeah like annoyance bc of ur bullshit :)

 **wishiwashio** : ooh burn

 **narito** : this is better than the kdrama im missing wow

 **kawaiinishi** changed the name of the group to " **sunshine harem** "

_Hi, Aone! you have received 41 messages from " **sunshine harem** ". Open now?_


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **miracle_boy** : ew tetsu
> 
> **cattsun** : excuse u ur saltier than mackerel and i still tolerate u

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dang @ me back at it again with a short ass update and terrible usernames

**miracle_boy** : tsukki who is that in your profile picture omg

**ts00kie** : that’s yamaguchi,,,,and don t call mE THA T

**shoyo_froyo** : thats yamaguchi!!!!!!!

**your_my_gucci_to_that_shit** : thats me.

**miracle_boy** : where do u hide ur wings om g

**ts00kie** : literally don’t even come close ill fite u

**cattsun** : damn tsukki being jealous

**matsukawhipped** : back at it again with the burns

* * *

 

**shoyo_froyo** : if u guyz cud eat 1 thing for the rest of ur life what would it be????????

**doglover7** : Fried chicken and rice!!!!!!!!!

**high_ba** : Oinarisan!!

**cattsun** : salted mackerel

**miracle_boy** : ew tetsu

**cattsun** : excuse u ur saltier than mackerel and i still tolerate u

**miracle_boy** : mines chocolate ice cream bc im so sweet all the time :)))))

**kawaiinishi** : haha good one tendou-san

**wishiwashio** : sucker for teriyaki !

**miracle_boy** : @taichi ur not being very kawaii rn :c

**matsukawhipped** : cheese filled hamburger steak <3

**yosushi** : white bean paste monaka but anything really i love food thanks

**kawaiinishi** : sukiyaki lmao

**narito** : omelette sushi tbh

**ts00kie** : why do u need this information

**your_my_gucci_to_that_shit** : obviously for a kill list tsukki

**ts00kie** : whAt

**your_my_gucci_to_that_shit** : mine are floppy fries

**ts00kie** changed **your_my_gucci_to_that_shit** ’s name to **singlefloppyfry**.

**singlefloppyfry** changed **ts00kie** ’s name to **dinofucker**

**dinofucker** changed **singlefloppyfry** ’s name to **mylittlestrawberry**.

**mylittlestrawberry** changed **dinofucker** ’s name to **gay4tadashi**.

**gay4tadashi** changed **mylittlestrawberry** ’s name to **gay4kei**.

**gay4kei** changed **gay4tadashi** ’s name to **mybagofsalt**.

**mybagofsalt** changed **gay4kei** ’s name to **sTOPITYAMAGUCHi**.

**sTOPITYAMAGUCHi** changed **gay4tadashi** ’s name to **haha_loser**.

**haha_loser** changed **sTOPITYAMAGUCHi** ’s name to **ucanthavemyfriesanymore**.

**ucanthavemyfriesanymore** changed **haha_loser** ’s name to **OKEI**.

**OKEI** : hey that’s actually a good one

**ucanthavemyfriesanymore** : good buy me fries then

**OKEI** : ok

**ucanthavemyfriesnymore** : *ok(ei)

**cattsun** : idk what I just saw but that was A Wild Ride

**matsukawhipped** : I thought I was whipped

**miracle_boy** : ^

**kawaiinishi** : ^^

**narito** : I cant believe it but ^^^

**wishiwashio** : um

**yosushi** : ^^^^^^^^^

**miracle_boy** : anyway right so kamacchi don’t lie ur fav food is kamasakimchi yosushi

**matsukawhipped** : lolol no that’s futakuchi’s lmao

**yosushi** : DUCK YOU MATSUKAWA

**kawaiinishi** : can I pls leave

**miracle_boy** : NO SON

**kawaiinishi** : mom pls

**miracle_boy** : no dont make me tell eita ur not playing nice w the other kids

**kawaiinishi** : i mean,,semi-san doesnt even get along w kenjirou how's he gonna berate me lmao

**shoyo_froyo** : do u guyz kno tsukihim a hasn’t won a single argument against yamaguchi

**OKEI** : listen u irritating ball of absolute sunshine I will not hesitate to murder u

**ucanthavemyfriesanymore** : damn right shouyou.

**ucanthavemyfriesanymore** : @tsukki im the president of the #shouyouprotectionsquad dont make me imprison you

**narito** : look @hinata ur own fanclub

**shoyo_froyo** : !!!!!!!!! thank u yamaguchi !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**ucanthavemyfriesanymore** : :')

_Hi, Aone! You have received 62 messages from " **sunshine harem** ". Open now?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls give me ideas im running out he L P


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **matsukawhipped** : @kindaichi SHOW THEM WHAT SEIJOU MEAN WHEN THEY MEAN BUSINESS SON
> 
> **cattsun** : u said mean twice lmao 
> 
> **yosushi** : they mean what the mean when they mean 
> 
> **matsukawhipped** : alright marina joyce calm down

**matsukawhipped** : so I heard theres a practice match bw the plants and the crows is that right

**shoyo_froyo** : yes !!!!! im soooooo excite d!!!!

**OKEI** : its not????? that exciting??????

**matsukawhipped** : right so we wont be there :c

**shoyo_froyo** : D; why?????

**matsukawhipped** : we’re retired :c

**miracle_boy** : lmao ^

**kawaiinishi** : so are you tendou-san

**miracle_boy** : D: @taichi beb n0

**matsukawhipped** : anyway @kiddos let us know whats good

**yuu_da_man** : Yes, Matsukawa-san!!! 

**matsukawhipped** : @kindaichi SHOW THEM WHAT SEIJOU MEAN WHEN THEY MEAN BUSINESS SON

**cattsun** : u said mean twice lmao 

**yosushi** : they mean what the mean when they mean 

**matsukawhipped** : alright marina joyce calm down 

**miracle_boy** : lmao ^ 

**narito** : bois lets go we gotta warm up before the plants arrive we gotta crush em 2day 

**ucanthavemyfriesanymore** : right narita-san we’re here already just waiting oN TSUKISHIMA KEI WHERE THE HEKC R U 

**cattsun** : ooooooo tsukki in hot water lololol 

**miracle_boy** : *air horns* 

**OKEI** : I was looking for the king yo 

**shoyo_froyo** : don’t call him that !!!!!! u know he hates it 

**yuu_da_man** : Is he talking about Kageyama? 

**shoyo_froyo** : yeah!!!!! Listen he has the best tosses ill fight u 

**narito** : hinata u cant just fight everyone can we just practise now ffs thanks 

**matsukawhipped** : good luck children I have a skype date w my dear lover 

**wishiwashio** : ^ tmi 

**OKEI** : tMI ^ 

**kawaiinishi** : TM I ^ 

**miracle_boy** : st0p scandalizing My CHildREn 

**yosushi** : They’re not your children though 

**miracle_boy** : theyre my babies kamacchi ill fite u 

**narito** : again, u cant just go around fighting people thanks see u after we win losers 

**cattsun** : …..did monk-chan just,,, 

**kawaiinishi** : shut up ugh I want to sleep 

**miracle_boy** : its like,,,,6 pm r u ok 

**shoyo_froyo** : no hes kawanishi-san?????? 

**narito** : FOR THE LAST TIME GET OFF THE PHONE ill call daichi san over to the gym if I have to u know its just us first and second years ennoshita is pissing himself m o v e 

**miracle_boy** : so aside from the fact that shrimpy-chan literally dad-joked all over us whats going on @taichi 

**cattsun** : ya r u feeling ok?? 

**yosushi** : ^^^ 

**kawaiinishi** : I get allergies a lot so I feel like a literal trash heap I want Death 

**miracle_boy** : b right there eita has ur meds keep the door unlocked 

**kawaiinishi** : kenjirou is here so if semi-san and he so much as talk pls kick them out

**miracle_boy** : got it bb never fear while satori is here

**matsukawhipped** : hes such a good mom 

**cattsun** : anyway @mattsun deetz about ur d8 l8r man I need 2 kn000 

**miracle_boy** : ^ yea I need the Hot Goss when im done babysitting 

**kawaiinishi** : im right here Im gonna tell semi-san 

**miracle_boy** : I suddenly cant read goodbye friends 

**cattsun** : what are the chances hanamaki is going to burn him so hrd he’s gonna have to drown in an aloe pool to recover 

**matsukawhipped** : um fuck u he loves me and I love him sue me 

**yosushi** : you’re broke as DUCK it goes against my morals to prosecute a poverty stricken fellow 

**matsukawhipped** : im gonna kill u and then make sushi out of ur dead body 

**cattsun** : ur just salty like my mackerel bc he burned ur soul mattsun 

**matsukawhipped** : do u want to be deader than ur stupid mackerel 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

**narito** : _guesswhowon.png_

**narito** : _consolatoryicecream.png_

**narito** : _woopshedroppedit.png_

**narito** : _gothimanother.png_

**narito** : _lookatthesebabies.png_

**narito** : _ifeellikeamom.png_

**narito** : _SHOUYOUNO.png_

**narito** : _riptsukishima.png_

**narito** : _itwasyamaguchisidea.png_

**narito** : _groupselfiebctime2gohome.png_

**narito** : _raresmilingturnip.png_

**narito** : _thesunwarmsaturnipinthefields.png_

**narito** : _themoonisNotHappywithturnipkun.png_

**narito** : we had A Good Day :) 

_Hi Aone, you have received 46 messages from " **sunshine harem** ". Open now?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wish the pictures were real 
> 
> can u guess what happened because what you think happened probably did happen


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **matsukawhipped** : ye kamacchi thats right so we decided to bake right
> 
>  **matsukawhpped** : and idk but we also decided to drink??????? Dont my drunk kitchen leave that to youtubers
> 
>  **matsukawhipped** : so makki can actually bake lmao and he was like!!!! Let me give u instructions
> 
>  **matsukawhipped** : and somehow midway through our date his microphone decided to kick the bucket and said fuck it bye

**cattsun** : oh mattsun~

 **cattsun** : tell us ur date deetz

 **matsukawhipped** : lisTNE

 **matsukawhipped** : OK OK BACKSTROY

 **matsukawhipped** : right so makki suggested we bake

 **yosushi** : Didn’t you say it was a skype date?

 **matsukawhipped** : ye kamacchi thats right so we decided to bake right

 **matsukawhpped** : and idk but we also decided to drink??????? Dont my drunk kitchen leave that to youtubers

 **matsukawhipped** : so makki can actually bake lmao and he was like!!!! Let me give u instructions

 **matsukawhipped** : and somehow midway through our date his microphone decided to kick the bucket and said fuck it bye

 **matsukawhipped** : wait let me just

 **matsukawhipped: me** : hiro I cant hear u  
**hiroyourhero** : ya thats bc my microphone fucked off gdi  
**me** : lmao what do I do now ive got all the stuff set up  
**hiroyourhero** : right so now we gently fold the mixture because we’re not heathens  
**me** : like this?  
**hiroyourhero** : I _SAID_ we weren’t heathens  
**me** : all ur friends r heathens take it slow (ignore this pls i couldnt help myself)  
**me** : man it sure would suck if we accidentally baked bits of razor blades into these cookies huh  
**hiroyourhero** : the real question is how much do we like our friends to give cookies without bits of razor blades in them?  
**me** : it smells so much like peppermint here  
**hiroyourhero** : ,,,,,u didn’t add peppermint its chocolate chip u douchenugget  
**me** : so is it done yet can I stop stirring  
**hiroyourhero** : it would be if u didnt pause to type back asswipe  
**hiroyourhero** : om g ur doing it wrong du ir gentlier  
**me** : GENTLIER  
**hiroyourhero** : why are u crying did accidentally get some in ur eye  
**me** : no I was thinking about spaghetti  
**hiroyourhero** : ,,,,,,,  
**me** : I’m not saying that spaghetti is inherently humorous, but I will say that adding spaghetti makes most things funnier.  
**hiroyourhero** : right so now we use the blender do u have one of those  
**hiroyourhero** : no no a beauty blender what the fuck why  
**hiroyourhero** : I can hear ur sistr screaming @ u for it im not gnna bail ur ass out on this  
**me** : hiro i though u were my hero  
**hiroyourhero** : I hope u die so I can eat all the cookies myself  
**me** : im hurt  
**hiroyourhero** : no ur mattsun aka cootie queen extraordinaire  
**me** : <3  
**hiroyourhero** : anyway now we gotta spread em out on the tray  
**me** : ok let me calculate how much to put on  
**hiroyourhero** : Measuring is for squares just eyeball it  
**me** : I can do math. I can do LOTS of math  
**hiroyourhero** : u said 15 times 6 was 77  
**hiroyourhero** : no spread them out a bit we don’t want a mega cookie u lintlicker  
**me** : im glad ur so smart babe  
**hiroyourhero** : lmk when theyre ready im still mad @ u I want those cookies

 **matsukawhipped** : _cookieparadise.png_

 **cattsun** : “lintlicker”

 **miracle_boy** : “cootie queen”

 **wishiwashio** : “asswipe”

 **narito** : “douchenugget”

 **cattsun** : im whEEZigN is ur makki for real

 **shoyo_froyo** : can I have cookies!!!!!!!!!!!

 **Matsukawhipped** : YES YOU CAN HAVE THEM ALL THEY DON’T HAVE RAZORS IN THEM

 **OKEI** : good you wouldnt want to die would u matsukawa san also arent they like,,,,burnt

 **matsukawhipped** : im homestly scared ngl^ and no theyre perfect shut u p

 **yuu_da_man** : Can I have some too Matsukawa-san?

 **matsukawhipped** : sure son swing by my classroom tomorrow

 **doglover7** : I want some too :c

 **cattsun** : if u don’t ever make that sad face again ill get u some at practice tomorrow

 **doglover7** : c:

 **high_ba** : what about me

 **cattsun** : I saw u at practise 2day u fucked up like,,,,11 out of 10 receives so no cookies for u

 **high_ba** : im telling yaku san

 **cattsun** : hes angry at u maybe dont call him short while complaining??? when will u learn child

 **high_ba** :….he kicked me

 **cattsun** : because u literally said "yaku san kuroo san is being mean could u kick him id if ur short legs will reach his face" ffs lev u had one job

 **ucanthavemyfriesanymore** : @hinata I'll buy some for the club tomorrow

 **ucanthavemyfriesanymore** : tsukki are u coming over to help or

 **OKEI** : can I eat some

 **ucanthavemyfriesanymore** : no

 **OKEI** : ok then have fun carrying all that 2 school

 **ucanthavemyfriesanymore** : ok(ei) then have fun not eating cookies with the others then

 **OKEI** : calm down edgelord im outside lets go

 **miracle_boy** : I want cookies

 **kawaiinishi** : the cafeteria is open tendou-san

 **matsukawhipped** : how r u now kawanishi

 **kawaiinishi** : better than your cookies because they look a little…tanned

 **miracle_boy** : YAS THAT’S MY SON

 **kawaiinishi** : get me cookies too thanks

 **yosushi** : This is really funny because I'm actually eating cookies right now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me @ me: why is there so much hanamaki its supposed to be middle blockers
> 
> me @ me: shut the fuck up
> 
>  
> 
> alsooooooooooooo since im not funny at all the matsuhana exchange was based off of this [this](http://occasionalrpmemes.tumblr.com/post/154877954429/things-saidheard-while-making-holiday-cookies)


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **miracle_boy** : TAiCHIIII u didnt even tell me u knew naruto chan
> 
>  **kawaiinishi** : ?? ???????? I don’t ive met him like,,,0.5 times
> 
>  **narito** : when was this
> 
>  **kawaiinishi** : spring high
> 
>  **narito** : o lol yeah 0.5 times is right

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @me updates 3 days in a row after abandoning fic for 2 months good job

**narito** : hey kawanishi congrats

 **kawaiinishi** : hey you too

 **matsukawhipped** : why is everyone congratulating everyone else

 **cattsun** : are u guys having a baby aren’t u too young

 **miracle_boy** : TAiCHIIII u didnt even tell me u knew naruto chan

 **kawaiinishi** : ?? ???????? I don’t ive met him like,,,0.5 times

 **narito** : when was this

 **kawaiinishi** : spring high

 **narito** : o lol yeah 0.5 times is right

 **kawaiinishi** : anyway I can cross “getting complimented by naruto” off my bucket list

 **narito** : ur welcome,,,itaichi

 **miracle_boy** : oooooo000000000oooooo naruto chan ur my fav

 **narito** : glad to be ur hero

 **kawaiinishi** : good luck he needs to be fed every hour preferably with something chocolate because otherwise,,,bad things happen

 **ucanthavemyfriesanymore** : like what?

 **kawaiinishi** : he whines

 **cattsun** : lolololol sat0ri #rekt

 **matsukawhipped** : lmao tendou 

**yosushi** : But why is everyone getting congratulated?

 **shoyo_froyo** : Narit a san!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Pls tell me

 **OKEI** : idiot u already know this narita san is on our team god why are u so dumb

 **ucanthavemyfriesanymore** : kei shut up stop bullying shouyou

 **wishiwashio** : but what are you celebrating

 **miracle_boy** : oh wait I think I knoooooowwwww~~~~~~~~

 **kawaiinishi** : its nothing much

 **narito** : ^ ye

 **miracle_boy** : wHAT ITS A HGU E DEL A

 **kawaiinishi** : senpai n O

 **shoyo_froyo** : NARITA SAN!!!!!!!! IS IT ABOUT YESTERDAY!!!!!!!!

 **narito** : yes hinata

 **matsukawhipped** : ok its killing me pls tell us

 **cattsun** : is it a kid because im not taking care of it im 2 young 2 be an uncle

 **miracle_boy** : MY SON TAICHI HERE IS THE NEW VICE CAPTAIN OF SHIRATORIZAAW ACADEMY

 **miracle_boy** : oh wait does that mean naruto chan is also the vice captain of karasuno

 **narito** : yes

 **cattsun** : THIS IS BETTER THAN A BABY

 **yosushi** : Oh my God! I can introduce you guys to Aone he’s the vice captain too!

 **shoyo_froyo** : isn’t he on the group!!!!!!!!

 **aone_takanobu** : *thumbs up emoji*

 **yosushi** : Oh, yeah sorry Aone

 **aone_takanobu** : *thumbs up emoji*

 **narito** : oh yeah hey aone did you get the invite

 **kawaiinishi** : welcome to hell

 **aone_takanobu** : *thumbs up emoji*

 **cattsun** : what invite

 **narito** : the new vice captains have a group chat to discuss *throws up a little*

 **kawaiinishi** : what naruto chan means is *dies*

 **cattsun** : LMAO I KNOW WHAT U MEAN LOLOLOL HAVE FUN

 **yosushi** : Oh no, do you guys really have to do those too? Food luck haha

 **yoshushi** : I’m not changing that

 **miracle_boy** : wait what are u mean @ kiddos @ tetsu @ kamacchi

 **matsukawhipped** : tell us ur secrets 

**shoyo_froyo** : :c plsssssssssss

 **doglover7** : plssssssss :c

 **high_ba** : plzszszzz :(

 **narito** : I refuse to scar the children

 **kawaiinishi** : im dead so

 **cattsun** : are u saying I can say no to them kids turn ur frowns upside down ill tell u

 **cattsun** : it’s a little thing called

 **cattsun** : gy rUIOHMOP/’

 **cattsun** : hello this is nobuyuki kai, vice-captain of nekoma highschool colleyball club, i’m sorry kuroo has been bothering you all. i’ll see to it he refrains from doing so in the future.

 **cattsun** : also— congratulations, narita-kun, kawanishi-kun.

 **kawaiinishi** : thanks kai san

 **narito** : thank you kai san

 **cattsun** : also lev, yaku is looking for you—did you mention his height again?

 **high_ba** : nO I HONL Y SAID IF HE KNEW WHAT KUROOSAN WAS TALKING ABOu t BECAUSE HES MSALL SO CAN PROBABY EAVESDROP n stuff oh

 **cattsun** : i’m not saving you this time, don’t climb up a tree.

 **doglover7** : hi kai san!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **cattsun** : hello, inuoka. i'm right next to you, though, did you want something?

 **doglover7** : can we practice blocking again????????????

 **cattsun** : sure.

 **matsukawhipped** : is this a secret vice captain only thing im goona ask iwa chan brb

 **miracle_boy** : good idea im going to look for jin

 **cattsun** : ok im back what did kai do

 **cattsun** : HOW DOES KAI KNOW

 **cattsun** : o hey say hi to soekawa from me its been a while

 **cattsun** : also is iwa chan oikawa’s iwa chan

 **matsukawhipped** : no hes seijou’s iwa chan??????

 **yuu_da_man** : Matsukawa-san, Iwaizumi-san says to tell you he won’t ever tell you, not in a million years.

 **miracle_boy** : I cannot believe soekawa jin glared at me hes never done that before is2g his face literally,,,twisted in pain and grief like I was torturing him or sth

 **matsukawhipped** : gdi kindaichi u were supposed to coax him nvm u did good cant have u eaten by him

 **yosushi** : I’m so glad I retired because doing That sucks.

 **aone_takanobu** : *thumbs down emoji*

 **miracle_boy** : kamacchi pls

 **matsukawhipped** : I live ten blocks from u I can threaten u 

**yosushi** : Yeah? With what muscle?

 **cattsun** : bURN

 **narito** : ok but why do we have to do it isn’t taht a captains job theres like 8339 pages in just the first bundle fuKC

 **kawaiinishi** : omg I need to take it from ushijima san and soekawa san thx 4 remind

 **narito** : listen I love ennoshit hes my best friend bUT HE GAVE ME THAT LOOK BEFORE SAYING ENJOY EXCUS EME I HAVE TO SUBMIT THIS TOMORROW AND SUGA SAN ONLY LEFT A SMILEY POST IT WH a t

 **OKEI** : ennoshit

 **ucanthavemyfriesanymore** : you cant deny he doesn’t take no shit from anyone 

**OKEI** : shut up yamaguchi that was terrible

 **narito** : on an unrelated note does anyone believe in ghosts

 **miracle_boy** : dO I EVER

 **miracle_boy** : gather round children I will unleash upon you eldritch horrors unspeakable in daylight

 **kawaiinishi** : its like 5 pm senpai theres plenty of light outside

 **miracle_boy** : taicHI SHU T UP

 **shoyo_froyo** : im not scared!!!!!!!!!!!

 **high_ba** : haha neither am I I’m above trivial things like that get it “above”

 **shoyo_froyo** : lev!!!! I wont lose to u!!!!!

 **OKEI** : literally shut up ur shaking and under the blanket with the king rn

 **shoyo_froyo** : how do u know???????

 **ucanthavemyfriesanymore** : snapchat

 **kawaiinishi** : im cool w them r u asking bc of what wataru said

 **narito** : ye

 **wishiwashio** : wait wataru onaga?? I want to know about the vice captain thing let me ask hes pretty chill hes like,,,here

 **wishiwashio** :…..or not he just glared at me and stalked away what

 **cattsun** : even ur team mates hate ur face

 **cattsun** : I love ghost stories man they rock

 **doglover7** : but when we had the training camp this year you and yaku san and lev and yamamoto san cried at kai sans story!!!!!!!!

 **cattsun** : that’s it inuoka extra laps for u tomorrow

 **matsukahipped** : #rekt kuroo

 **doglover7** : :c sorry kuroo san

 **cattsun** : why is kai calling me back can he sense what I just typed oH GOD N O

 **miracle_boy** : anyway let me continue with my expertise in this field from witchcraft to spacecraft I know it all 

**kawaiinishi** : staying up late to read creepypastas does not a virtuoso make

 **miracle_boy** : ill have u know im a virtuoso in all senses of the word I even have a mixtape

 **matsukawhipped** : yes what it is a 23 hour loop of owls hooting mr-demon-hunter

 **cattsun** : I feel like thats more tattsuns area of proficiency

 **wishiwashio** : have I ever expressed my distaste at making your acquaintance 

**cattsun** : ily2 tattsun

 **narito** : ok anyway tendou san him gonna send u a story pls tell me how it was

 **kawaiinishi** : omg narita what did u send hes literally hiding out with me and soekawa san i want to finish these papers alr gOD

 **kawaiinishi** : this is really funny but if he insists on sharing a bed im gonna murder u naruto

 **narito** : lmao

 **miracle_boy** : I wasn’t scared ok i was just checking on u guys dont want anything to happen to my fav vice captains 

**narito** : were too

 **miracle_boy** : was not

 **narito** : were too

**_-cut for length-_ **

**matsukawhipped** : listen are u guys aware of the barber’s paradox

 **cattsun** : pls reschedule ur paradoxes at a later improbable time there are some of us trying to do the normal thing at this hour

 **matsukawhipped** : such as?

 **miracle_boy** : reading up on spellcasting and ectoplasm

 **cattsun** : pls attain escape velocity and exit my life @ sat0ri

 **yosushi** : idk, Matsukawa like maybe SLEEPING

 **matsukawhipped** : but really ive been thinking about it and I juts,,,

 **cattsun** : im gonna call 666 and hire a demon to disembowel u

 **miracle_boy** : I don’t think u can I think u gotta trade ur soul for a task

 **cattsun** : what soul let me sleep ffs or else yours will leave this mortal coil

 **matsukawhipped** : rip tendou

 **cattsun** : rip u 2 shuT UP I HAVE SCHOOL TOMORROW

 **ucanthavemyfriesanymore** : do u ever just ant to get on a rocket and go tell the moon theyre pretty in person

 **cattsun** : GDI YAMAGUCHI UR A SANE 1 WH Y

 **narito** : why board a rocket when tsukishima is right here

 **kawaiinishi** : lmao

 **OKEI** : ok tadashi lets go bedtime (@narita san n0)

 **shoyo_froyo** : haHA u got memed!!!!!!

 **cattsun** : should I even…?

 **narito** : on it

 **yosushi** : Oh thank God

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> right so i once read an akakuroo fic where akakuroo bonded over [REDACTED] becaus ehey being volleyball club captain/vice captain means Responsibilities and it was rly funny so,,,,, obviously here only the vice captains do the job lol rip narita rip taichi
> 
> feel free to take a guess
> 
> YOU HAVE NO IDEA I LIVE FOR VICE CAPTAIN NARITA I WILL FITE U
> 
> this makes me ship kawanari (???? ship????? idk) sigh 
> 
> also i was running low on ideas and yeah pls leave ur suggestions/ideas/anything im Empty there is a Reason why this chapter a so Extra and Pointless (much like me but hey)


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **cattsun** : idk about y’all but I aced chem yo
> 
>  **cattsun** : like,,,aldol condensation is my jAM yea boi organic chemistry more like 
> 
> **cattsun** : ill let u know when I think of a pun thnx

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> before u judge me and try to murder my ass: i love daishou v much thanks pls love him 2 my snekk son

**narito** : @ senpais how were ur exams lol i heard y'all dun goofed

 **tendou** : the fact that U Know we did makes me believe in ur abilities as vice captain

 **narito** : omg thx

 **miracle_boy** : I bombed botany lmao fuck walnuts too I mean who needs nuts?????i can live off meat i hate plants gOS H

 **matsukawhipped** : um excuse me have u ever tried a maths problem,,,,maths is the problem imo

 **aone_takanobu** : *thumbs up emoji*

 **matsukawhipped** : listen differential equations is,,,,I mean hwta is it wtf qwksesshh

 **miracle_boy** : at leats u dont have to know what the fuck peroxisomes r fuKIGN WHY WAS CELLS FOR SO MANY MARKS

 **cattsun** : idk about y’all but I aced chem yo

 **cattsun** : like,,,aldol condensation is my jAM yea boi organic chemistry more like 

**cattsun** : ill let u know when I think of a pun thnx

 **yosushi** : I still have my physics exam left and Semiconductor Circuits are hard

 **yosushi** : Listen, Kuroo, you have physics right here solve this please

 **cattsun** : listen im only good at chem what pls

 **kawaiinishi** : not ur senpai naruto chan but english lit was not lit as fuck

 **miracle_boy** : I have my zoology paper this afternoon does any1 kn0 a bio nerd

 **cattsun** : ugh I do

 **miracle_boy** : can u ask them about the cell wall structure of archaebacteri a from me thx ill send a pic I don’t get it

 **cattsun** : listen sat0ri u owe me 4 dis ill explain l8r

 **miracle_boy** : ilu beb

 **miracle_boy** : taxonomy is taxing heh

 **matsukawhipped** : um wow y did I not get this kind of support thanks

 **OKEI** : um pshh maths is easy what

 **ucanthavemyfriesanymore** : refer 2 my username we are not friends anymore

 **shoyo_froyo** : I passed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **shoyo_froyo** : thks tsukismima thks tadashi !!!!!!!!!!!!! thkans narist asan!!!!!!!!

 **OKEI** : I feel lik our english practice is lacking

 **matsukawhipped** : that’s great chibi chan!!!!!!

 **cattsun** : u go smol baby crow!!!!!!!

 **miracle_boy** : hekc yeah hinata show them!!!!!!

 **narito** : ur welcome hinata :) work harder next time bc we want u on the court 

**matsukawhipped** : also my boy kindaichi stood first in his class pls applesauce

 **matsukawhipped** : applause* but also applesauce 4 my child

 **yuu_da_man** : Thank you, Matsukawa-san!

 **cattsun** : applesauce 2 turnip kun im proud of u

 **yuu_da_man** : Thanks, Kuroo-san!

 **cattsun** : right @ lev @ inuoka whats good

 **doglover7** : I passed!!!!!! I have to thank kai san for teaching me how to use log tables

 **high_ba** : ugh Japanese is sO EXTRA GO d ok japanese lit I mean why do I have 2 know

 **cattsun** : im gonna tell yaku

 **cattsun** : why don’t u ask him to tutor u hes like,,,god @ japanese

 **high_ba** : he said no

 **cattsun** : ffs lev can u stop commenting on how short he is hes gonna kill u one day and ill have to hide the body while kai sweet talks the police into believing nothings wrong and kenma will give us away wtf

 **kawaiinishi** : theres a lot going on and im not sure I want to know

 **OKEI** : tbh just hear it out an d keep it for blackmail

 **cattsun** : tsUKKI U WOUND ME

 **OKEI** : I wish I could literally

 **matsukawhipped** : #420getrekt

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 **cattsun** : right so @sat0ri u kno how I asked a bio nerd for help for u

 **cattsun** : I need u 2 b my slave 5ever

 **shoyo_froyo** : whats 5ever????????

 **miracle_boy** : sweet child of the summer pls never change

 **kawaiinishi** : its like 4ever but longer

 **shoyo_froyo** : ohhhhhh :/

 **miracle_boy** : anyway @tetsu 1) um no 2) why

 **cattsun** : ok bc I asked snek man for help and it took A While to get him to answer

 **miracle_boy** : ???? wh o the fuKC

 **cattsun** : nohebis captain

 **miracle_boy** : ,,,

 **kawaiinishi** : o my cousin goes to nohebi

 **kawaiinishi** : do u know him his name is kuguri naoyasu

 **kawaiinishi** : also their captain is daishou suguru @tendou san the guy u said u hated from the bottom of ur soulless heart

 **miracle_boy** : that’s,,,,rly specific taichi I hope ur not picking up MY LINES make ur own smh

 **cattsun** : omg kawanishi kuguri looks,,,,,exactly like u,,,,,wtf

 **cattsun** : anyway I asked him 4 u so now u gotta repay me @sat0ri hes a dick and I hate him

 **miracle_boy** : seconded

 **kawaiinishi** : thirdEAD (here for discourse)

 **narito** : fourtheded (same)

 **matsukawhipped** : ^ y r the second years so savage bye im leaving this salty ass democracy u cant just second a motion bc u h9 sm1 

**yosushi** : Why do you hate him so much?

 **cattsun** : do u want it alphabetised or

 **cattsun** : aNYWay so- ive known him since we were 8 ok he used to b a nice guy but???? High school is a Dark Place idk he just turned into douche-bag-of-the-century????like he wouldn’t hang out w me or kenma, got super competitive over dumb stuff, always wants 2 b better than others wtf???? Grow up dude,,,,

 **cattsun** : listen we went thru our weeb and boyband phases 2gethr u don’t just dump sm1 u used t jam out to 1D with like that,,,gOSH im so salty about this and he didn’t even tell me y????? like,,,one year he just gave me a present on Christmas and zoomed out???? Like bitch what if I had a gift 4 u 2

 **cattsun** : the worst part si,,,,he bites into a kitkat. he doesn’t. even. break. them.

 **matsukawhipped** : shoot him

 **matsukawhipped** : makki says hes willing 2 bury the body if u share Tendou The Slave™ with him

 **cattsun** : aw makki xoxox

 **OKEI** : is that the guy u complained about in the most heartbreaking dramatization of every american HS love story ever to daichi san for like 8 hours

 **cattsun** : 1) um fuck u 2) yea maybe

 **OKEI** : right lmao so daichi san actually knows daishou san idk how but,,,I showed him this and he says daishou is the exact same lol 

**OKEI** : except for the kitkat bit that’s gross sorry but what a heathen

 **cattsun** : ,,,wait WhTH

 **ucanthavemyfriesanymore** : he also said “don’t let your mouth get you into something your ass cant handle” lol tsukki

 **OKEI** : yamagUCHI SHU tU p

 **miracle_boy** : lmao sawamura is a Good Egg

 **miracle_boy** : what was the present?

 **cattsun** : flowers and this bok i wanted 2 read for a long ass time why

 **miracle_boy** : ,,,flowers

 **cattsun** : what we gave each other flowers for every occasion is that not normal

 **miracle_boy** : tetsu have u ever spoken 2 him about this stuff bc I think u gotta

 **cattsun** : no like,,,we never got the chance he kept zayning idk,,,I just thought he didn’t like hanging out anymr

 **miracle_boy** : u gotta talk to him ur internalising shit and from what the sawamura intel it sounds like he kinda feels the same about u

 **cattsun** : “feels the same about me” what

 **miracle_boy** : god u thickheaded rooster man child how dense r u have u considered that u might have feelings for him fUKIGN

 **cattsun** : oh

 **cattsun** : I

 **cattsun** : need to think about this bye

 **shoyo_froyo** : good luck kuroo san!!!!!!!!!!

 **cattsun** : thanks chibi chan

 **kawaiinishi** : tbh tendou san I cant believe im saying this but u handled that pretty ok

 **miracle_boy** : aww taichi ur a Good Egg too

 **kawaiinishi** : ew I hate eggs menstruating chickens dont sit well w me

 **narito** : omg so daichi san knows daishou san from moniwa san whose mom is bffs with daishou sans mom,,,also tsukishima daichi san says to stop gossiping and practice receives

 **matsukawhipped** : thats some Chinese whispers shit

 **OKEI** : tadashi u snitch

 **ucanthavemyfriesanymore** : (:

_Hi, Aone! you have 66 messages from " **sunshine harem** ". Open now?_

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 _Achooo!_ Daishou surprises himself by sneezing so hard.

"You alright there, captain?" Kuguri asks while Sakishima hands him a tissue.

"Yeah." Daishou wonders if he's starting to catch a cold but shrugs it off and decides to blame it on Kuroo. _Had he not received a message from him today..._ Why did he have to ask about _biology_? Why can't they talk about stuff like they used to? Before he can put himself into a mood, Kuguri, who has been eyeing him strangely, says,"Daishou-san...whatever you're thinking about...i think you should talk to them about it" and runs off 

Daishou only blinks after him.

_Achooo!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK OK idk why i've been in a kuroshou mood lately (Fuck Me Up) if y'all ain't here 4 dat,,,,idk wat 2 tell u
> 
> kuroo is obvs exaggerating becaus ehe s adrama queen but hey @ daishou can't feelings either it works out
> 
> is there something u want to see happen in the fic?????? (aka please leave me ideas im beggin g u pleASE)
> 
> also have u considered bio nerd daishou  
> he perfectly suits chem nerd kuroo  
> that only means bokuto is a physics nerd fUK YEA SCIENCE NERDS


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **wishiwashio** : i think we should go practice too, wataru
> 
>  **thetwelfthowl** : theres no practice today washio san
> 
>  **wishiwashio** : oh. do u play pokemon 
> 
> **thetwelfthowl** : do you want to trade a corsola for something

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> um like i said i have the attention span of a peanut and i forget people haha so here's a new child (WHOM I HAVE MENTIONED BEFORE I UTS FORGOT HES A MIDDLE BLOCKER thx @ that one comment that pointed it out ur the real mvp)
> 
> also pls don't kill me i just really like angst and want my kids to suffer

**wishiwashio** : hello science nerd friends it is I who have emerged from the depths of hell aka economics and statistics

 **wishiwashio** : so…how is kuroo doing? I gather you haven’t heard much from him lately?

 **matsukawhipped** : hes gone radio silent on us idk :c

 **kawaiinishi** : not to change the topic but 

**kawaiinishi** added **thetwelfthowl** to “ **sunshine harem** ”

 **wishiwashio** : oh

 **wishiwashio** : isn’t that

 **thetwelfthowl** : hi washio san

 **wishiwashio** : uh

 **wishiwashio** : guys, this is my son (as you say) onaga wataru, first year middle blocker, and vice captain of the fukurodani academy boys volleyball club

 **miracle_boy** : “middle blocker”

 **wishiwashio** : shut up it slipped my mind I didn’t realise we could add people

 **matsukawhipped** : uhuh sure

 **kawaiinishi** : hey wataru how does it feel to be invisible

 **thetwelfthowl** : hi narita san it feels like i could set a fire and no one will know

 **narito** : amen

 **miracle_boy** : ,,,ignoring that,,,, so if hes a first year how is he vice captain what

 **thetwelfthowl** : fukurodani always has a second year vice captain but the third years are going to graduate soon so they’ve appointed the new captain and vice captain considering I’ll be in my second year in a few months

 **wishiwashio** : I have full faith in you, wataru!

 **thetwelfthowl** : please don’t forget my existence washio san

 **kawaiinishi** : lmao

 **ucanthavemyfriesanymore** : right guise so since y’all aren’t seeing this im going to narrate

 **ucanthavemyfriesanymore** : so idk but hinata and tsukki started arguing out of nowhere (reason unknown but ill let u know soon)

 **miracle_boy** : not. surprised.

 **ucanthavemyfriesanymore** : lol anyway so daichi san and our coach have stepped out to go tell the principal about the new captains etc

 **ucanthavemyfriesanymore** : suga san is in the next gym with kageyama idk some setter thing I have no clue

 **ucanthavemyfriesanymore** : and wow tsukki just threw hinata across the gym what

 **ucanthavemyfriesanymore** : aaaaaand hinata just got up and jumped over aND WHAT THE FU why is tsukki screamign 

**ucanthavemyfriesanymore** : HE JUST SCREAMED VIVA LA FUCK U HINATA lololol

 **ucanthavemyfriesanymore** : he just jumped on tsukki btw

 **ucanthavemyfriesanymore** : and tsukki landed on his butt lol that’s funny let me take a pic 1 min

 **ucanthavemyfriesanymore** : sunandmoonfight.png

 **ucanthavemyfriesanymore** : right so ennoshit san and narita san are trying to do damage control (its not working) but a few girls passed by and tanaka san and noya san have l o s t it theyre crying somwh

 **ucanthavemyfriesanymore** : and yachi san ran out to call some1 but it sure isn’t anyone useful because she ran out the gates

 **ucanthavemyfriesanymore** : anyway tsukkis up and his face is red h e looks like a strwaberry 

**ucanthavemyfriesanymore** : wow shouyou isn’t smiling is this serious bc tsukki just said mcu sucks

 **ucanthavemyfriesanymore** : hmm…it does tho,,,

 **ucanthavemyfriesanymore** : shit I gtg daichi san, ukai san, suga san and kageyama are all back what HE LOOKS PISSED BYE RIP TSUKKI PRAY $ Th

 **kawaiinishi** : that’s a lot but idk if I wanna know more

 **miracle_boy** : taichi

 **kawaiinishi** : tendou san

 **miracle_boy** : where r u

 **kawaiinishi** : …class?

 **miracle_boy** : shUT THE FUCK UP U LITTLE SHIT ITS TIME TO PRACTISE BLOCKIGN I SEE U BEHIND THE BENCHES

 **kawaiinishi** : fuck

 **wishiwashio** : i think we should go practice too, wataru

 **thetwelfthowl** : theres no practice today washio san

 **wishiwashio** : oh. do u play pokemon 

**thetwelfthowl** : do you want to trade a corsola for something

 **wishiwashio** : alright lets see

 **yosushi** : Have I mentioned I’m glad I retired? Because I am. I have SO much time to STUDY. WOW.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 **OKEI** : hi all!

 **miracle_boy** : who r u and wat have u done 2 tsuk

 **OKEI** : hi Tendou! This is Sawamura.

 **miracle_boy** : hey sawamura the Good Egg

 **OKEI** : what?

 **OKEI** : I just wanted to say that Hinata and Tsukishima won’t be texting you all of today.

 **matsukawhipped** : what why

 **kawaiinishi** : is it bc of yesterdays stuff

 **OKEI** : yes, it is. Both Tsukishima and Hinata have been extremely reckless and disrespectful in their behaviour towards one another and I’ve confiscated their phones.

 **OKEI** : that’s all I wanted to say, have a good day!

 **yosushi** : Hey Sawamura, wait up.

 **OKEI** : yes…? Also, who is this?

 **yosushi** : Kamasaki Yasushi, blocker from Datekou

 **OKEI** : the angry one?

 **yosushi** : WHY DOES EVERYONE CALL ME THAT I’M NOT ANGRY

 **matsukawhipped** : ur yelling tho kamacchi

 **yosushi** : Oh. Sorry.

 **yosushi** : Anyway, Sawamura, how do you know Moniwa?

 **OKEI** : the captains’ group chat. Tell him I say hi, though.

 **yosushi** : Uh, I just did, but he’s blushing…I don’t even want to know how you knew I was with him. Thanks.

 **OKEI** : alright! 

**matsukawhipped** : hey sawamura how do u know daishou

 **OKEI** : oh. Through Moniwa, actually. His mother and Daishou’s mother went to the same school, so they're family friends, I guess?

 **matsukawhipped** : right thanks

 **OKEI** : is this about Kuroo? He suddenly asked me if I’ve ever talked to Daishou before, which I have, we’re pretty good friends, and Kuroo seemed really upset. Do you know why?

 **miracle_boy** : he figured out that daishou likes him

 **OKEI** : oh. Why didn’t he ask him, then?

 **miracle_boy** : because hes dense as fuck

 **high_ba** : he hasn’t come 2 practce today, kai san said he was sick

 **OKEI** : it’ll work out. Kuroo may be pigheaded, as is Daishou, but they’re both honest people. It’ll turn out OK.

 **kawaiinishi** : OKEI*

 **miracle_boy** : OKEI*

 **matsukawhipped** : OKEI*

 **yosushi** : Oh, for DUCK’S sake

 **OKEI** : what duck?

 **ucanthavemyfries** : uh daichi san I think u should come back to practice narita san is holding kageyama back and ennoshit san is crying and suga san is laughing and I can picture flames of hell behind him help

 **OKEI** : right, Yamaguchi, I’ll be right there. Take care, Kuroo. 

**OKEI** : also, please don’t send me childood pictures of you and Daishou and Kozume-kun naked.

 **miracle_boy** : thats a lot and idk if i wanna know more

 **kawaiinishi** : idk how karasuno does their vb pracs but,,,it sounds like fun

 **miracle_boy** : taichi r u betraying us

 **kawaiinishi** : its always on my mind but I cant say it out loud c:

 **narito** : wow kawanishi is that emotion I see

 **kawanishi** : no what d o u mean haha ill kill u if u bring it up irl

 **narito** : ;)

 **matsukawhipped** : omg get a room kids

 **wishiwashio** : no but really I asked bokuto and akaashi apparently they cant get through to kuroo 

**matsukawhipped** : I wish I didn’t live in miyagi????? I want 2 visit him

 **miracle_boy** : ;((((((( same

 **aone_takanobu** : *thumbs up emoji*

 **narito** : same 

**kawaiinishi** : ,,,,same

 **narito** : kawanishi pls control ur emotions

 **kawaiinishi** : shut up naruto boi

 **yosushi** : I hope he’s OK

 **yuu_da_man** : Yes ^

 **doglover7** : i HOPE HES FINE!!!!! :(((((((( KUROO SAN I HOPE UR EATING AND STUFF

 **ucanthavemyfriesanymore** : too bad we cant check if hes received the messages either 

**ucanthavemyfriesanymore** : OmG WAIT washio san

 **wishiwashio** : yes?

 **ucanthavemyfriesanymore** : can you ask kenma san where kuroo san is?

 **ucanthavemyfriesanymore** : or lev/inuoka? ask kenma san?

 **wishiwashio** : let me try hold up 

**wishiwashio: me** : hey kenma I wanted to know if you’ve heard from kuroo lately  
**me** : we’re all worried  
**bonapplepie** : yes. hes right here and ugly crying about “The Good Old Days”  
**me** : um  
**bonapplepie** : i assume you know the details of the suguru situation.  
**me** : im familiar  
**bonapplepie** : hes finally on the right track.  
**me** : is he OK?  
**bonapplepie** : yeah. he needs to suck it up and talk to suguru. Its really annoying bc hes hogging the bed with his hissy fit.  
**me** : is there anything we can do? He isn’t responding to any of us  
**bonapplepie** : _img.png_  
**bonapplepie** : that photoframe hes holding to his chest is a picture of him and suguru from his tenth birthday.  
**bonapplepie** : hes too far gone for anyone to help tbh he needs to do it himself.  
**me** : oh alright then  
**bonapplepie** : please give my thanks to whichever idiot drilled sense into him. theyre better than me because ive been trying for twelve years.  
**me** : :/ ill tell him  
**me** : haven’t you tried talking to daishou  
**bonapplepie** : he knows i know he likes kuroo and avoids me.  
**bonapplepie** : honestly why cant people leave me out of their love lives im not even experienced and i dont want to be either.  
**me** : alright then this is a mess  
**bonapplepie** : i wish i wasn’t in the middle of it its tiring and theres no place to sleep on the bed.  
**me** : thanks kenma  
**me** : I may have told bokuto about this though  
**bonapplepie** : GOD DAMMIT TATSUKI

 **wishiwashio** : now what

 **miracle_boy** : we wait for the idiot to reply god hes so thickheaded

 **matsukawhipped** changed the group name to " **KUROO ARE U OK** ".

 **matsukawhipped** : im srs kuroo if ur reading then pls reply

 **miracle_boy** : :c pls

 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Kenmaaaaaaa."

"Kuro, shut up, it's 3 am."

"What do I dooooooo?"

"GO TO SLEEP!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kuroo's being a drama queen gosh i wonder what daishou's thinking hmmm


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **shoyo_froyo** : tsukishima is a nerd
> 
>  **kawaiinishi** : im sorry but coming from him that sounds really funny

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow @ me whats up updating 3 days in a row #newhighscore

**shoyo_froyo** : kuroo san!!!!!! I hop e ur ok!!!!!!

 **OKEI** : ^ stay hydrated

 **miracle_boy** : the kids r back how did u guys get grounded anyway

 **yosushi** : Yeah, what did you do?

 **narito** : u mean what didn’t they do

 **OKEI** : someone decided to be impulsive and say things they didn’t mean

 **shoyo_froyo** : um what do u mean “say things they didn’t mean”???????????

 **OKEI** : I see why the king calls you dumbass

 **matsukawhipped** : alright salty mcsalt and baby crow tell us the deetz

 **shoyo_froyo** : tsukishima is a nerd

 **kawaiinishi** : im sorry but coming from him that sounds really funny

 **narito** : yesterday,,,,was A Day

 **ucanthavemyfriesanymore** : oh my gOSH anyway so can u guess why thye were fighting it’s the stupidest reason

 **kawaiinishi** : hinata ate tsukishimas last piece of cake

 **wishiwashio** : wanted a piggy back ride?

 **matsukawhipped** : he sang whats new pussycat 14 times in a row

 **miracle_boy** : he said hermione should have ended up with harry

 **yosushi** : Said Pluto wasn’t a planet

 **narito** : said L was useless and near was better

 **yuu_da_man** : Did he say he likes pineapple on his pizza?

 **doglover7** : told a dad joke

 **high_ba** : jumped?

 **OKEI** : existed

 **ucanthavemyfriesanymore** : omg I told you to guess not start discourse

 **ucanthavemyfriesanymore** : narita san u were there what why are u guessin g (also near > L what)

 **ucanthavemyfriesanymore** : also tsukki shut up

 **ucanthavemyfriesanymore** : get this: shou said he hates land before time

 **OKEI** : yAMAGUcHI This is IMportNs

 **shoyo_froyo** : I mean it sucks??????i watched it with my sster and she hated it too!!!!!

 **OKEI** : that’s bc u didn’t appreciate the finer aesthetics of a land that existed before time

 **kawaiinishi** : theres a lot going on and idk if I wanna know

 **thetwelfthowl** : I do, go on

 **shoyo_froyo** : what finer aesthetics its a dumbass movei

 **OKEI** : bOI

 **shoyo_froyo** : what???? U wanna figth??????

 **OKEI** : ill crush u u midget

 **shoyo_froyo** : shut up ur a lamp post

 **miracle-boy** : im wheezign bc shouyou can throw shade

 **shoyo_froyo** : i can literally beat u at anything tsukishimaaaaa!!!!!!

 **OKEI** : what about height

 **matsukawhipped** : kids kids stop fighting

 **miracle_boy** : ok but fr tho????? Its so dumb it got me to eat leaves

 **kawaiinishi** : sounds like a you problem senpai

**miracle_boy** : ur not bein very kawaii taichi 

**narito** : u know what ducky reminds me of suga san 

**OKEI** : stOP RUINGN MY FAV MOVIe 

**ucanthavemyfriesanymore** : omg 

**matsukawhipped** : cera is def iwaizumi wyd 

**miracle_boy** : wakatoshi is spike 

**yosushi** : Moniwa is like shy chomper 

**ucanthavemyfriesanymore** : I cannot believe U ALL KNOW THIS SHIT BYE IM OUT 

**thetwelfthowl** : washio san is petrie 

**wishiwashio** : ^ seconded 

**shoyo_froyo** : anyway it sucks!!!!!!! 

**OKEI** : shUT UP 

**miracle_boy** : ok tsukki we’ll end ur…Tsuffering 

**OKEI** : im gonna deck u 

**miracle_boy** : （*＾3＾）/～♡

**OKEI** : I hate u 

**miracle_boy** : likewise 

**shoyo_froyo** : u?????dont like urself?????? But ur so cool tendou san!!!!!! 

**matsukawhipped** : roasted burned and buried 

**kawaiinishi** : open up senpai im outside ur dorm w some aloe 

**miracle_boy** : hiNATA I TRUSTED U 

**OKEI** : lmao k shouyou 10/10 we can be frineds again 

**narito** : what the FUcl guise 

**aone_takanobu: kenjihatesyou** : AONE WHERE TF ARE U  
**kenjihatesyou** : IM LITERALLY GOING TO COMMIT MURDER  
**kenjihatesyou** : fukiNGC KOGNGAWA  
**kenjihatesyou** : cALL MONIWA SAN OR SM1 IDK  
**kenjihatesyou** : I WILL CUT A BITCH WHAT 

**yosushi** : Be right there. Also, Aone, get some rope. And duct tape. It’s in the storage room. 

**miracle_boy** : oo kinky 

**yosushi** : Ew 

**miracle_boy** : why not im a fucking delight 

**kawaiinishi** : sounds fake but ok 

**matsukawhipped** : um #420getrekt 

**miracle_boy** : um wow ok ill just chill here BY MYSELF 

**narito** : but even u don’t like urself didn’t we already establish that 

**miracle_boy** : ill sue u all for cyber bullying 

**OKEI** : for what money 

**miracle_boy** : oh ffs 

**wishiwashio** : i was gone for a minute why are we bullying tendou 

**matsukawhipped** : because hes worth it 

**kawaiinishi** : give it to me im worth it 

**narito** : get in line 

**matsukawhipped** : again the seocnd years have no chill 

**kawaiinishi** : no matsukawa san im literally the chillest person ever 

**narito** : yes matsukawa san i mean u could stuff food into him and slice him open to take it out and itd be frozen didnt u know taichi here is cold and emtionless 

**kawaiinishi** : sometimes im concerned about u naruto chan 

**narito** : im not the one getting sliced open like the mc of a slasher movie 

**thetwelfthowl** : i just rewatched the shining pls dont put ideas in my brain 

**kawaiinishi** : boo 

**narito** : boo! 

**shoyo_froyo** : No narita san!!! kawainishi san!!!!!!! ur scaring him!!!!!!!!!! 

**kawaiinishi** : im 

**miracle_boy** : OMG PRECIOUS 

**miracle_boy** : ok guise time to check on ur precious setters now bc i have had it till HERE with shirabu asking me where tf taichi is 

**miracle_boy** : taichi where tf r u and why does ur sourpuss salty boyf have to throw shade at me???? when he wants u????? 

**kawaiinishi** : not here lol have fun 

**kawaiinishi** : wjhta this fuck how did he find me so fast im Not Ready for this 

**matsukawhipped** : CONSENT IS IMPORTANT DONT DO ANYTHING UR NOT COMFORATBLE WITH AND ALSO CONDOMS<

**kawaiinishi** : i meant mentoring the first years but ok he literally goes from shiradorable to shiraBANE OF MY EXISTENCE when it comes to prac 

**miracle_boy** : theres a lot going on and im not sure i wanna know 

**kawaiinishi** : fuck u told him where i was fuck u senpai shove a flaming cactus up ur ass

 **narito** : not if hes the cactus

 **miracle_boy** : how am i the cactus

 **matsukawhipped** : with your flowing red locks

 **kawaiinishi** : and ur prickly ass personality gOD i have to go babysit no w u g h

 **wishiwashio** : tendou, it seems as if you have been, how do you kids say it? yeah, burned.

 **miracle_boy** : D:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> since that last chapter was,,,idk what the fuck it was tbh here u go its more lighthearted since not all of u can angst and slow burn like kuroo "drama queen young and sweet only seventeen" tetsurou


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) IM SO SORRY FOR MAKING THIS A KUROSHOU THING IM SORRY IT WAS MEANT TO BE?????? PLATONIC FOR THE MSOT PART
> 
> 2) theres like,,,a ton of shakespeare stuff im sorry in advance if ur not into shakespeare what does is feel like to live under a rock (jk just skip it its not relevant 2 the story) (but its still funny)
> 
> 3) pls keep it mind that "bob" is ronounced the same way as "mob" from mob psycho 100
> 
> 4) this was really long im sorry i had no motivation midway how long is this im so sorry ii meant to write like 5 chapters and now,,,10 chapters later,,,im just sorry for ur suffering
> 
> 5) thsi is unedited because my beta reader is awol (fuck u by the way) and its 3 am and i cnat type my hands hURT ill edit it soon but fuck if i do,,,

**matsukawhipped** changed **miracle_boy** 's name to **cactus_chan**.

 **cactus_chan** : o(；△；)o

 **cactus_chan** changed the group name to “ **cactus_chan fanclub** ”

 **kawaiinishi** : hey naruto chan uk what im thinking

 **narito** : yep leggo

 **kawaiinishi** added **bobthebuilder** to “cactus_chan fanclub”

 **narito** changed **bobthebuilder** ’s name to **bobtheblocker**.

 **narito** : gotta be proud of ur middle blocker status and stick to status quo boi

 **bobtheblocker** : fUCK NO NOT YOU TWO

 **kawaiinishi** changed **bobtheblocker** ’s name to **bobpsycho100**

 **bobpsycho100** : what can I do to get u 2 off my back

 **narito** : sell ur soul

 **bobpsycho100** : what soul cant pay w sth I don’t have

 **narito** : good point

 **kawaiinishi** : lend us ur copy of hitman

 **bobpsycho100** : u cant even play it u nerd u live @ school

 **kawaiinishi** : ya that sounds like a me problem now hand it over

 **narito** : :)))))))) yeah boi 

**bobpsycho100** : 1) um no 2) what the fuck is this can I leave

 **matsukawhipped** : why are all the second yeasrs so savage bye

 **bobpsycho100** : ye we would be because every1 around is a fucken bully

 **kawaiinishi** : um rood

 **narito** : u,,,didn’t even use the correct format,,,,its r00d* binch

 **kawaiinishi** : u wanna go naruto man?????

 **narito** : time n place binch

 **bobpsycho100** : time to leave this place bye

 **bobpsycho100** : pls don’t add me back I don’t think my heart can handle being in aNOTHER group chat w u 2 fuckers thansk

 **bobpsycho100** left **cactus_chan fanclub** **narito** : um what a loser

 **kawaiinishi** : cowardice is a vice smh

* * *

**cattsun** : hey guise

 **cattsun** : whatd I miss

 **matsukawhipped** changed **cattsun** ’s name to **thickheaded_rooster_man_child**.

 **matsukawhipped** : pls applesauce me because I had to scroll 10 miles to do this

 **cactus_chan** : excellent *showers applesauce*

 **thickheaded_rooster_man_child** : um???? Wow ok r00d

 **cactus_chan** : don’t u think ur the r00d one????asshat

 **wishiwashio** : ^

 **OKEI** : ur a mean 1 mr Grinch

 **thickheaded_rooster_man_child** : ;-; I can explain asgkdslsldm

 **thickheaded_rooster_man_child** : OK OK SO do u want hot goss or

 **OKEI** : theres a lot coming and im not sure I wanna know

 **kawaiinishi** : blackmail

 **OKEI** : right senpai

 **thickheaded_rooster_man_child** : tsUKKI KWAANISHI W hy

 **thickheaded_rooster_man_child** : ok so let me just,,,  
**me** : daishou  
**me** : fucker can u reply I know ur seeing this  
**me** : k bitch im coming over  
**sugur00d** : please don’t  
**me** : we gotta talk and u keep nyooming  
**sugur00d** : what the fuck are you even on about  
**me** : um can we just talk  
**sugur00d** : no bye  
**me** : can u listen w/o being a fuckin g asshole for 5 minutes  
**sugur00d** : no bc that’s my middle name bitch  
**me** : shut the fuck up this is serious  
**sugur00d** : n o  
**me** : nvm ur mom let me in also did u guys change the curtains they look cute  
**sugur00d** : yeah mom thought green went better w the carpets  
**sugur00d** : wait are you actually outside my bedroom

 **matsukawhipped** : ok but

 **cactus_chan** : did u get any

 **thickheaded_rooster_man_child** : um by “any” do u mean “a boyfriend” then heLL YEA

 **thickheaded_rooster_man_child** : im still here actually yall wanna video call????? Id like 2 apologize face to face for being a douchenozzle

 **narito** : we knew that so its ok kuroo san

 **kawaiinishi** : yeah kuroo san you shouldnt apologize for what ur born with

 **OKEI** : matsukawa san I see what u mean by savage

 **matsukawhipped** : :’)

 **matsukawhipped** : also makkis here is every1 cool w that

 **cactus_chan** : ye lol also taichi come 2 my dorm we can skype tpgether

 **kawaiinishi** : k00l

 **OKEI** : kids gather round the couch

 **wishiwashio** : im still at practice! Wataru where are u we can skype together too!

 **thetwelfthowl** : senpai im…………..right next to u…………….

 **thickheaded_rooster_man_child** : tattsun y r u like diz

 **OKEI** : the king is here is that ok

 **ucanthavemyfriesanymore** : OKEI*

 **OKEI** : shuT UP YMAGUHCIH GOS H CANTW E LET THAT GO

 **ucanthavemyfriesanymore** : no fuck u fit e m e

 **matsukawhipped** : are u guys,,,done

 **thickheaded_rooster_man_child** : yES OMG ITS OK THE MORE PEOPLE THE BETTE GOSH I NEED @ APOLOGIS E TO THE WORLD FOR ME BEING SO XTRA r u happy now can I call suguru is laughing at me 

**cactus_chan** : oooooo first name basis~

 **ucanthavemyfriesanymore** : wAit what about lev and inuoka and kindaichi?

 **yuu_da_man** : It’s OK, Kuroo-san! We’re just happy you’re not dead!

 **thickheaded_rooster_man_child** : kindaichi ur a precious boy bless

 **high_ba** : ok ok so me n inuoka r chilling w the shibe is that ok

 **thickheaded_rooster_man_child** : the shibe

_cactus_chan fanclub is calling..._

As people slowly come into focus, pixels popping up like Christmas lights, Kuroo feels himself blush a little when he sees hands still intertwined with Daishou’s. They’re not used to being civil to one another, let alone relationship-y stuff. However, these thoughts fly straight out of his mind when Daishou smacks the back of his head and says, “your friends are saying hi, you’re being rude” with the most sickeningly sweet smile he can muster.

Shooting a glare at Daishou, Kuroo turns to face the screen fully, to spot Tendou and Kawanishi, squashed on Tendou’s unmade bed, Hinata on Tsukishima’s lap, with Yamaguchi and Kageyamaby his side, Kindaichi, Narita, two Cheshire cats who must be Matsukawa and Hanamaki, three excited little underclassmen, and Washio and Onaga sharing a tiny shaking screen. Kamasaki looks tired, with his hair fluffed up, like he’s been clutching at it.

“Hey guys!”

A chorus of hellos follows.

“Guys, this is Suguru.” Kuroo points at Daishou, who— _incredibly_ —blushes. “Oh. And Kenma’s here, too. Kenma, say hi.”

“Go fuck yourself.”

Both Daishou and Kuroo place their hands over their hearts and pretend to wipe away tears. “So blessed.”

“KENMAAAAAAA!!!” 

“Shou, shut up they can hear you without you screaming.”

“Shut up, Stingyshima I’ll do what I want!”

“Hey, Shouyou.” Kenma is looking at them now, and waving.

“Hey, Tsukki, why is Hinata on your lap?”

“One, that’s not my name, thanks, and two, why not?”

Kuroo raises an eyebrow at that. Tsukishima, however, offers no explanation and allows Hinata to continue…doing whatever he was doing. Yamaguchi is trying to choke down laughter, while Narita rolls his eyes. 

“Are you going to apologise or…” The dark haired Cheshire cat boy drawls. Kuroo squints. “Matsukawa?”

“The one and only.”

“Also Makki, hi, nice to meet you. I am, in fact, real.” Hanamaki shoves Matsukawa out of the frame and flashes a peace sign.

“Hey, Makki, what’s up.”

“So yeah, everyone, I’m sorry for disappearing for a while because as Satori so cleverly mentioned before, I’m ‘thickheaded’. I don’t agree with the ‘rooster man child’ bit, though.” His brows crease. “I do.” Daishou looks so thoroughly pleased with himself, it takes everything in Kuroo to not punch his smug-ass face. “Sorry for that, guys.”

“This was because Tetsu has only three outlets of emotion: binge-watching anime, crying like a 90s drama queen, and running away from his problems.” Daishou sniggers.

“You still love me.”

“Ew.”

“That’s not what you said, like, an hour ago, when you confessed your love to me”

“You mean, when _you_ confessed your love to me?”

“Haha, what do you mean.”

“And with that, the couple is on the floor, wrestling, in the very spot I was in, and forced to evacuate.” Kenma’s narration voice has the rest of them in stitches, Tendou is elbowing Kawanishi while Kamasaki looks like he regrets everything. Which he probably does.

 

“and now they’re looking at each other like Shouyou looks at a volleyball” drones Kenma’s disembodied voice.

“….and now they”re kissing, I’m leaving. Thank you, good night.” Kenma gingerly steps over the couple on the floor and shuts the laptop.

Silence reigns for a couple of moments before Narita speaks. “That was…something.”

“I’m going, bye, I have so much homework left, I could die.” Kamasaki looks like Death.

“You know what they say, Kamasaki-san. You either die a student, or you live long enough to see yourself become the teacher.” “Taichi, that makes no sense!” “It does, senpai!”

This is the moment Hinata chooses to do something and Tsukishima groans. Yamaguchi can be heard stifling his laughter. Kageyama gets up and walks away. 

“Yamaguchi, you’re not helping!”

And then Yamaguchi says— “Take a fucking sip, babe” and throws an entire bottle of water over Tsukishima and Hinata. The screen fades to black as Yamaguchi can be heard laughing and snorting, with Hinata and Tsukishima's screams in the background.

“There’s a lot going on and I’m not sure if I wanna know.”

“You should, Kawanishi. I saw you at a vegan restaurant the other day.”

Kawanishi blinks owlishly at Narita’s smug face, before taking a swig of water from his bottle. “Take a fucking sip, babe” and shuts the laptop.

“We should study now” Shibayama says, looking warily at his teammates. The screen fades as a chorus of goodbyes is heard.

“This was a fail of a call, I vote we do it again.” 

“Makki, you’re not even on the group chat.”

“There's a lot coming and I'm not sure I want to know.”

“You got us there. Bye, Naruto-chan!” They chorus. The screens all turn black.

* * *

**cactus_chan** has changed the group name to " **Exit, pursued by a bear** ".

 **cactus_chan** : Guys did u kno I starred as paris in our r&j play

 **kawaiinishi** : 1) r&j is rly overrated 2) who was r and who was j why have I not heard this story

 **cactus_chan** : um, let me finish my story, non believer

 **cactus_chan** : r & j were both people idr but semisemi was tybalt and reon was benvolio

 **matsukawhipped** : kawaii boi is right r&j is rly overrated our guy billy shakes wa s right about love

 **yosushi** : It’s really late, you guys.

 **cactus_chan** : kamacchi pls listen ok

 **cactus_chan** : so for our play we went all out right so I made all these business cards saying count paris of escalus to the parent s and stuff and I 

**matsukawhipped** : and u????

 **cactus_chan** : got drunk and sang at the balcon y scene byE I DON’T KNOW WHY I THOUGHT ITD BE A GOOD IDEA TO SHARE THIS STORY

 **kawaiinishi** :…i’m asking semi-san for photos

 **cactus_chan** : tAIIICHIIIII (๑ १д१)

 **thickheaded_rooster_man_child** : what h ave I done to deserve being woken up fuck u all why cant u talk about u and and ur shitty shakespearean drunken shenanigans in the morning fuck u sat0ri 

**cactus_chan** : ickle tetsu bein cranky bc he isn’t getting enough sleep

 **thickheaded_rooster_man_child** : what have I done 2 deserve this my only crime was to b a middle blocker

 **cactus_chan** : u were down 2 clown

 **OKEI** : sarcasm kuroo san? I expected better

 **thickheaded_rooster_man_child** : excuse my cheap wit but the hour is late and thats I have to give tbh

 **kawaiinishi** : as you like it more like as I don’t like it stfu 

**narito** : ^ petition for a sequel

 **cactus_chan** : Macbeth is basically That Song

 **thickheaded_rooster_man_child** : someBODY ONCE TOLD ME 

**matsukawhipped** : THE WORLD WAS GONNA ROLL ME

 **high_ba** : I AINT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED

 **thickheaded_rooster_man_child** : indeed that u are not lev

 **high_ba** : kuroo san :(

 **matsukawhipped** : OK but lady Macbeth did nothing wrong

 **narito** : idk what ur definition of wrong is matsukawa san but the general public agrees that regicide is indeed something wrong

 **wishiwashio** : what even was Macbeth I still have no idea

 **yuu_da_man** : Same :(

 **cactus_chan** : there is a character called mcduff how do I take it seriously

 **thetwelfthowl** : macduff just repeatedly macfucked up because he has no macfucking idea about what he was doing

 **kawaiinishi** : im maclovin this conversation

 **OKEI** : basically the moral of the story is don’t kill ur friends

 **ucanthavemyfriesanymore** : wait wasn’t that Richard 3

 **shoyo_froyo** : u mean the guy who even voldemort hates??????????????

 **narito** : omg hinata and no that was don’t kill ur enemies

 **OKEI** : “Richard 3”

 **doglover7** : wasn’t that hamlet??????

 **kawaiinishi** : no im p sure that was don’t cry for too long before u kill ur enemies

 **thickheaded_rooster_man_child** : g O TO SLEP E

 **matsukawhipped** : srsly but how extra was hamlet lbr here

 **narito** : i mean he assaulted his mom over her sex life

 **kawaiinishi** : wrote a play framing his uncle for murder when he couldve idk called the police or sth

 **OKEI** : thought the best way to distract everyone from his plans was to pretend to be insane

 **ucanthavemyfriesanymore** : stabbed polonius and then blamed him for it bc he was "too nosey"

 **yuu_da_man** : He had a ful-fledged conversation with a gravedigger about death in a graveyard.

 **yosushi** : ^ And continued with the skull of a man he hadnt seen in a long-ass time.

 **kawaiinishi** : wait he sounds like tendou san now,,,

 **cactus_chan** : :(((((((((((

 **kawaiinishi** : are u telling me youve never told ur mother that no matter how much black u wore it could never really reflect how u felt inside???????????

 **cactus_chan** : fuck u taichi ;-;

 **OKEI** : also cassius more like cassiYES LETS STAB CAESAR

 **wishiwashio** : ?? why

 **cactus_chan** : tHE LIBRARY OF ALEXANDR i A fKICUGN

 **kawaiinishi** : ok guise i thnki we should stop tendou san just came knocking at the door hes crying now dont ever mention the L of A again ok thxxx

 **narito** : shakespeare would be so sh00k at this conversation

 **kawaiinishi** : william sh00kspeare

 **thickheaded_rooster_man_child** : FO R FUCK SS A K E

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im dead on the inside like kamasaki
> 
> the count paris thing actually happened to someone...just not me 
> 
> i have nerdspeare classmates and we've had this conversation before,,,how loveLY
> 
> im sorry i forgot my son bOB
> 
> leave a comment if u lov e bob (and shakespeare) ((or anything man just leave a comment im lonely i read shakespeare ffs))

**Author's Note:**

> hello i dont actually have friends for a group chat so ive winged it lmao ok bye
> 
> (come talk 2 my lonely ass @ cosmogonalley on tumblr so I have material for this trainwreck u are contributing to A Cause™)


End file.
